I STARTED OFF AS A CLARINET PLAYER AND PHOTOGRAPHER
This song plays in a black and white environment but when I remember the scene I imagine it in color.
off to The Shore of Oblivion
Remember guys that if you’re feeling sick or tired. Rest, go see the doctor if you need to. I just might take the weekend off.
JOANIE MITCHELL OR FIONA APPLE?
Bruh i just found some art because prof skyes comment section led me to Sufjan Stevens – Carrie & Lowell” comment section where i found this gem bruh
JESSIE WARE !?! ARE YOU HEARING THIS ?
JESSIE WARE’s – “I COULD GET USED TO THIS” : The intro is The Elder Scrolls; Its Skyrim ! Is this divorced woman music? 16 summers changed the vibe i forgot how old she was. This is a divorced album like Mj lendermans divorced dad album
Am I defining what an NES game could be. Am I defining what a modern writer looks like. The final piece of the puzzle is “contribution”. Without contribution I feel I am invalidated. Am I serious about wanting to be in your top 10 most inspirational? Influential? “Is the man talented or is the man an abomination?”.
Teller Bank$ “HATE ISLAND” AND Geese’s “GETTING KILLED” IS WAR MUSIC
Maybe that trust aint what its worth and maybe that plate forgive.
that video on my instagram is a tragedy.
I didn’t think it through. I didn’t fix the colors or put on a fit, I had just came back from cycling and recorded that in 20 minutes. I didn’t do my hair, I have cooler things to show, I just grabbed what was on my desk. I also didn’t account for the 3ds’s framerate. So now every second has 6 frames of stillness. It’s unnerving because im not exactly moving in slow motion but your eyes can tell it’s not real time. Im keeping it up bc it’s a reminder to do better. Until I do better, its going to remain there, pressuring me to move. I feel like I have to give my opinion so here are my developer notes. Things are well or at least if we’re talking in terms of reaching my goals, im not there yet. About my physical appearance, I feel like im more attractive now than ever before. With programming, I think im really honing in on the emotion, im a lot more sensitive to tonal shifts. Or in general. I teared up in the Mario movie not because of the movie itself but bc I really felt that sht. I guess its not that im sensitive, I just feel more deeply. With life, Im looking for a second job, I hope to go to school in my own car. Ive been trying to figure out how to export, ive almost perfected my presentation in person. It really depends on what kind of person im talking to but I notice the essence doesn’t transcend any further. Like it’s not my physical appearance that does it, it’s my speech or writing. I want to expand on that. I guess look friendlier, I generally am friendly (how I perceive myself to be lol). Recently ive been very reflective, I mean for sure it’s visible in my work but how do you convey a grounded presence? I noticed that recently ive been getting treated better. Maybe it’s a paradox, maybe I am better bc Im being treated better that makes me treat people better back etc. I go for a lighthearted vibe but my chest is really heavy. I wish people I love knew how to balance, so they could speak to me and It would be okay.
All the essence express; i feel like its downplaying it’ if i call it a hobby
As I was writing todays post, I got a side thought; Calling me a hobbyist is minimizing my character. Its like -NO I AM! Ive been doing this everyday for years.
.:. .:. .:.
I dont have access to my home computer. yesterdays post is posted privately, I couldn’t get the photoshop work for it out in time and i dont have access to my home computer so im just programming for the weekend. kk
ITs a strange time; ive been absent
I haven’t been giving it my all?; i haven’t had the time?.I just cant let this go. Im full of passion. Its lowkey lowkey lowkey; performative? but is it really bad if im trying to be your sunbeam? Here a couple notes: HANDS UP, HANDS UP !! LIKE ITS A STICK UP !! Bro tried to prank me talking about I drop boxes, had 2 tell him NO * Real Boss Like. If the interaction was sought after, It didn’t phase me. I couldn’t gauge it. If im ugly so what? Every pocket cant be a hit. Do you check every box? Leave a message at the tone; Its days like this where I dont regret giving it my all.
I only have one chance left prove to you im really with it. WHEWWW THANK GOD IM LIVING !! I KEEP GETTING NEW DAYS FOR NEW BUISNESS. THANK GOD IM LIVING !!
A STAIRWAY TO THE STARS / Depressed though triumph began in my late teens / As this week comes to an end, the horizon comes ever closer; ill become a missile; ill only change speed.
I was in my late teens then. I was teenx with the teenager dreams; trying to figure myself out constantly looking up. I actually wrote a good poem the other day. 4 years for one good poem, lowkey worth it. Ive written 60,000 words and out of those 60 thousand you’ve read all of them.
im trying to fix as much of everything as possible. I get emotional when I write so I make A LOTTT of mistakes. Lol like I genuinely feel this sht. Sometimes I tear up, sometimes im laughing, sometimes i think im hard or just “oh shit thats tight” yk
Nothing I can do is wrong
My sister hit me, tryna push me, said I’m good enough.
My mom tells me, tryna push me, said Im good enough.
My girlfriend; I would look up to, pushed me, said I was good enough.
Oh Lord how I had already won.
Only one day is enough.
ORIGINAL ORIGINAL ORIGINAL
I struggle with the pain,ma. couldn’t even speak
known as the great frown, never give them peace
Buckle up its about to be a great mile.
Keep your hustle like you hold on to them receipts
Am I a strange flower?
Im sorry you have to see my face drown. ma
I have to wake up
I have to rise up.
Wake up.
Rise up.
Everybody wake up.
Everybody if you’re sleeping wake up.
No sleeping in bed, wake up.
Rockstar people you have to wake up, rise up
wake up wake up wake up wake up
No sleeping in bed
FERRO
THE END ALL BE ALL; Of This Webdesign SHIT
Im Genuinely Trying To Be Like Her.
I Wont Stop Until Ever Damn Page, Pixel, Word, Garment, Song, Environment, Videogame; ON MY WEBSITE ALIGNS.
A Full Representation Of Who I Am. WHEN I MADE KIDS4CODEINE I WAS BEING IRONIC. THAT AUTOMATICALLY MAKES IT NOT A FITTING TITLE. ITS NOT BEING ME OR IT WAS ME BUT HAS NOW STOPPED BEING ME. I WANT THIS PLACE TO BE PLEASANT.
Major Changes Since January. Ive Been A Little Sad Recently BUT I Need To Keep Going.
Thank You For Sharing The Magic Ferro.
A Great Inspiration To The Masses. INSPIRING EVERYONE TO DO BETTER.
A Great Inspiration To Me.
Inspiring Me To Do Better.
…
I hope my aspirations bleed through the text and give you hope too.
CLAW FINGER
This is the last stretch of infrastructure for k4c after that its just “filling”. I will be able to finally get back to my beloved CLASSIC STRAWBERRY TASTE.
slightly deranged, going insane
Being hype is just my natural state. Id love that for me but its more me trying to find meaning. Hitting this rock day to day. I didn’t have a journal for a couple of weeks now i dont know what to say.
what the fashion people say is true
That tumblr is better than pinterest. They always say it. “Pinterest is a glorified shopping list” Its like hey heres what i want to buy look how minimalist quiet luxury i am inside.
& I think theyre right. When i finish my “websites that inspire” infrastructure i will show you.
Im very excited for this website. As ive said before i wanted this to be an archive, something to expose you to new things but it wasnt until i saw Ferro’s page that this is more than just a blog, more than just an archive, more than just a moodboard. i cant tell you what it is until I make it exist. I can only share my excitement and dedication. Going full color is the only way, f this poverty , f the recession indicators. It is what you make of it. ill see you all april 23rd. Hopefully, who knows how i might wake up that day.
I’m sorry guys I can’t seem to do this today
What if i could fly away. What if i wasn’t forced to stay. Where would i go. Would i be the same there.fe
feeling like water in the toilet bowl
lizliz liz-lizzy soulsoulsoul-semi
time will pass anyway; someone is about to get hit by a cruise missile right now, literally when youre single you go harder because it feels like youre closer to death; looking for experience to numb the emptiness like what youre missing internally is being filled by experiences? Personally i love home, its where i craft stuff. I only go out to carry out objectives, so it always feels like an adventure. YOU ONLY HAVE ONE LIFE AND THEY JUST BLEW YOUR ASS UP. FUCK. I GOTTA DO THIS FOR YOU. THE UNABLE, WE PROBABLY HAD THE SAME DREAMS OF A BETTER TMR. IM OPTIMISTIC THE EVIL FORCES CANT WIN. : YOUR THOUGHTS MaY FEEL LIKE THEY COME FROM THE SKY; BUT THEYRE RIGHT ABOVE YOUR EYES. THEY FILL A PHYSICAL SPACE IN THE REAL WORLD. IN THAT CASE DREAMS DESERVE MORE CREDIT; THEYRE AS REAL AS; A THOUGHT POPPED into my head, IF YOUR BRAIN IS LITERALLY UP HERE, THAT 9-5 THAT U HATE ISNT A THOUGHT ITS A LITERAL CONSUMPTION OF THE REALITY; its genuine reaction like if you would’ve got stabbed., YOUR BRAIN IS CONSUMING ALL THAT AIR IN THe ENVIRONMENT. THAT THOUGHT IS FROM AND IS “IN” THAT ENVIRONMENT !! WOW !!
Its genuinely positive vibes; its always in the back of my mind i could be doing more; probably you too. I always thought life could be like morrowind, with all the characters that are so dedicated to the “thing” that they do, im trying to be a character in your world. bruh basically lol, look i get super passionate, it feels heavy it has weight to it, i just condense days of writing, into a blob into a blog, it feels like the same day.
You guys see me. What do you guys think, do it hold up? Does it make you feel something?
Cry To Surrender All Emotions”.
Life is short but we knew that. Just stuck in repetition. How do you break that cycle? -By building community? “When you foster a community with your trajectory your success becomes real.”
For example i feel like me and Monica are the same type of person but there’s no way for us to ever “foster community”.
How do we all arrive/get to the same conclusion. Where we understand but we still go our own path.
As im creatively directing the roll out for my brothers rom, im realizing i think i could either spend a lot of time telling you about the rom or i could just design the world in which it lives.
Thats when the shackles come off. Its the solution. It creates mental/creative diversity. The classroom keeps getting bigger.
Theres just no limit. Its when i click on your accounts and see your posts that i get put/stuck in a loop. The superficiality sometimes cuts too deep. You look good but theres nothing behind it.(its not always like that, things can be fun to be fun.) Im talking about the people that i want to inspire me because i care about them. Makes me feel like im doing it wrong. One of the few times that “gut” feeling is false. It makes me forget. ” Life is so short, you cant even waste a day subscribing to what someone else thinks you can do, vs knowing what you can do.” Except thats the deception. Its my own self, im subscribing to what is supposed to be my own thought but it was put there by your lack of artistic expression. Sometimes it all feels like a carbon copy. Until you find people like Monica. You become rejuvenated, ready to open space. No one is born doing what they do. I guess im going to attempt to change the way we watch instagram, to break that cycle. For myself. You know i always imagine someone being suicidal finding a place in my art and thats why they got to live that day. When i was at my worst, most depressed i wish i knew someone like me (like monica). Introspective, artistic people break your knee jerk reaction. They help you see the world differently, make the complexities less confusing. To be curious, wander in peace. Without leslie i wouldnt see the beauty of this fantasy but im not sure if shes an active artist, if shes ever made a piece since Ive met her, if shes ever made a piece that wasn’t for an assignment. -But to me she was an artist, thats what unlocked it. Its becoming a disease, i cant love without the art. Not everything has to be that way but the standards just keep getting higher. I open up instagram and my values are valued? Deep down i think they are, people that post regularly or have a curated grid, i think are artist-hearted? I constantly see that its “ego” but my art boosts my ego? So its the same thing. I have some really cool people that believe in me. It gets me drunk when they say they see me being somebody. I feel like that kid/man/woman/person that feels secure like they work, go to school and go out. The weight on their shoulders that school has to work because on their time off taking time off is justified. Then they graduate and what? Empty handed? No career, put their faith on a silver bullet. Living it up is the only legacy now. Im privileged in the sense of ” i started from the bottom so its only up.” Its more clear for me.
Breaking the Shackles:
Ive been happy with less. ” the world is yours” im sure it is but i need time to think about it. What am i looking for?; If im a loser: i don’t feel it. not even to have a facade. How i present it is how it is, how i feel it.i keep it 100. or should i say i keep it 100,000 words.
Ive been an ugly person. Ive been ruthless before. I wish to never make the same mistakes again. I speak with so much authority sometimes the regret comes so early, as the words are leaving my mouth. I realized i hate the way you are. So extreme, i just wanted to hurt you and i succeeded. I couldn’t give you a loving embrace, I just wasnt ready.
When you spread knowledge that’s when you can make real change.” Ive always felt like thats somehow missed me. Like somehow no one has ever told me. The secret knowledge. I dont go to school and even when i did yk. Now’s not too late but i just dont love anybody. Its the same bitterness gifted to me in 2023, its haunting. I cant wait until this moments passed and the picnics become sweet again. This time ill be ready, Ill have a plan of attack.
ON THE ROAD TO RECOGNITION.
HOW’D YOU THINK I WAS GOING TO FEEL.
PEOPLE REMEMBER ME; SOMETIMES I WANNA SAY EVEN THOUGH I DON’T HAVE THE CERTAINTY; IM THOUGHT OF.
I Always Miss It
No birds chirping.
No insects buzzing.
No picnic to be had without sugar.
Like a latte that’s decaf or made with water.
Decaf still coffee, diluted me is still me.
My expectations lie where?
Girl bring it home I’m sure the rest of your family feels the same way.
You touch me like the sun touches the ocean.
Ive thought about it, calling you fake would be incorrect.
Im glad you posted, i was wondering where the hell youve been.
I know i know, i need to elevate my main page stop telling me.
bae u luv me? bae u luv me. bae u luv me!
Sound like; bayo, do you love me?
did you know i do this all on my steam?
Have you met any real fiends? Its a process. Im still eating just beans.
AYO DJ CARTOON ! -HARD2NETWORKK!
“YOU CANT HANG WITH US!” ay wait na who said that? wait wait, no he can take his own lane.
U NEED TO ENTER MY GAME
PASSWORD IS 1234LUV
maybe to some of you it just clicks. is explaining always this grindy?
AM I WORTH MORE THAN JUST CONFUSION ?!
shawty talking about her man talking about “wherever god takes us” BUT I THOUGHT YOU LOVED THIS MAN.
Dont be a judger bro, dont be a judger leave it up to god to judge a mfk.
IM WORKING; I STOPPED BEING A BUM A LONGGG TIME AGO
Si señorita; So el mecanógrafo
mil disculpas por llegar un poco tarde,- se me complicó algo en el–
lo importante es que ya estás aquí. ¡Comencemos!
**gracias por esperarme.**
Right as they think your off SHOW THEM YOURE NEXT UP;
you dont realize it because its invisible to you.
asking, its for my journal ; when they pick you ,say your name, do you ever believe it?
the hangups we have today, moms been saying i need jesus but i aint tryna hear the preacher.
He sounds like an asshole. Trying to make me feel like i messed up.
…
Yeah im waking up and theyre copying my flow. They’re talking like me./ Creating my path; alright guys follow me lets go.
Yeah they wanna be like me? For that you gotta be me, hehe you know; run without a gang. no gang, still make shit bang?Curate your own taste, we’re taste makers. Learn html, css, and javascript or else consider yourself done. Its important to understand this is your creative expression. Remember this is who you are in real life. When u up your real life this goes with it. SO this shouldn’t overshadow who you are, your person. This is an attachment. For example when you meet people, they read this and you start making sense to them. It elevates you but its who you were all along.
Its not being arrogant to be proud of it. Bruh live your truth, dont listen to the critics. Dont even listen to your friends. You have all the answers. U still got things to show. Ur gonna get so much affirmation youll feel like i made it. Like your going up yonder. To a certain point dont believe it. How many photoshoots, writing ideas, lines of code etc, did they help you with? When you trip, they wont catch your fall. They cant. This is your operation only YOU can spin the wheels. Its all up to you.///// I doubt ill be the one to receive the flowers tho. So with that ill be on my way.
LOOK:
AS LONG AS YOU SPEAK FROM THE “SOUL” .
Ive been here for a long time. Using me to make friends; thats a whole nother level.
If i wanted to be like you id let you know. You cant do this shit for show. This shit is you. Its not an archive, work, or just ideas. Its the reason that you do things.
PODER MÉXICO; JUVENTUD (vaulted)
Jerseys, camo, rifles; very catholic; black and white text looks like chainmail. Flat,digital, im not eating until im done this a hunger game.
Unfortunate i dont have the resources to realize this vision. Its vaulted for a later release.
this aint no pedestal; you just made me and im grateful
To me its remarkable. Gotta treat it like a pot of gold. This is going to build me a house, aint that remarkable.
my body is all that my body is
I know that my body is all that my body is. Ive been trying, Ive been trying to get much stronger.
Not as handsome as i thought. Not as sexy as she thought.
Birth of a boring angel. Birth of a boring angel.
in memory of a silent supporter, a lover , a friend, a close but far everything
I really been on my shit. I really been feeling like shit. Man im fucking dumb. I keep falling on my face youd think i would learn to get up on my own.
im really just your safety net. For when things go wrong ill be there to catch you. But im not, im just self soothing, “maybe ill be something in your life again” i dont even feel stupid when i say ridiculous things cause thats how i feel em.
I know you still talk to that boy. You lowkey follow him. Impossible for me to know for sure. Since i talk with so much certainty when i brought it up, you stay quiet you act like you don’t know what im talking about. Things worked out for you that’s great. Like that song its irrelevant.
I cant really hate on that just i don’t have access to you. I don’t know how things conjuror up value shit doesnt make any sense. A restart was never in the cards. I blew it since the start, since day one baby. :<. Telling me the story from the beginning was very healing. I just wish we had the time. In my memory i feel like Ive asked you; i wasn’t ignored but i wasn’t answered. Maybe its the remnants of that fear that you had, the fear of losing me or upsetting me. Thats holding you back. From letting me know where i stand. What?. When i give you the opportunity to tell me, you’re seeing someone new and youd like to respect them. Its not that at all. Its like a defense mechanism, you left me for someone else rather than because of me, like if i didn’t do this all to myself. a tough pill to swallow, how did i ever make it this far.. You dont text because im just not that. You got a valentines and im just not up next? thats just silly and Its not that cant believe i brought that up.. I fell on my face, you just give me love “telling me its okay”. Not saying its on purpose. Me being in this limbo. I believe you’re not “leaving” me in this limbo. As its just the way you talk so its an accident. i think you still love me, i think you can still love me. Although your actions; they are clear. i feel like im starving. Without you, i just wanna call you over here. When you say you still love me and with the way you hug me. One-way? It cant be just me! but it is. Things like your smell and the make up you left on my check. All little trinkets, for me to take home. Will you cherish my trinkets as i cherish yours. Im worried if its mutual. -Im a dead man. All i have are my computers and my website. It gives me purpose and direction but how can i feel whole again? Maybe school will fill that hole in my heart. Why am i so sad if it was my fault. I chose this. I chose this? Its strange, weird. Its gay. Why would i choose this? All this yapping. bruh. Everything gets bigger. No ones left watching. i used to be major. I used to be the talk of your town. I cant believe i held on to that for so long. Shes been telling you how you should feel and whats been going on. You just ignore it, its not what you want to hear. Let it go. Let her go. Never bother her again? Thats what this is all about. Quit trying to be in her space man. But-? No.
“I hope you had the time of your life” I usually prefer see you laters rather than goodbyes. Im supposed to seize the day when the message that the best has already happened to me?. Okay im missing the point i just wanna talk and talk.. Theres nothing i can do. just talk. yeah.
i really spend life out of bounds, day to day
How do you still have questions? Nobody’s confused boy just accept your fate. ” I hope you had the time of your life” i really spend life out of bounds, day to day. This night I felt alive. Hey look things are working out great. Change arrives sideways, remember me. ay hold up cause my hearts gone break, ay hold up she said “everything’s going to be okay”. -You’ll dissolve on a random day. Pure love, that’s what made it great. It gets under my skin how was i so cold back in the day. The moment immortalized in my brain. Reminisce because i love the way it tastes. Yeah today was my fave, hated the way i had to walk away. Will i ever see you in your eyes this close again, its only hard for me to say. You know the time, date and place. I got crush in my cup because i love the way it tastes. Dont look back when life moves sideways.
“Hit my phone im not a stranger.” Thats what i said. I could see it in her face, theres no need for all that. I know it may feel like i was never good for that anyway. Heavy sigh from me – ew coffee breath. Sorry babe. only talk about me because of a joke, hey thats okay.
Its really just me tho. A fantasy in my mind. Its like “Separate Ways”. Far away, but on a horizontal line we move adjacent. I know things arent the same. I know things arent ever going to be the same. I dont want to accept it. But i really spend life out of bounds, day to day. There was nothing i could’ve said. I wonder -will i die in the night or will i die in the day.
im really
im really feeling this hold up.
When im sad i think of you; it puts a smile on my face.
Keep going
Don’t insult yourself. Even if its genuinely bad. Don’t insult your work for other people. Most people don’t make shit period. They’re going to judge judge judge and they don’t understand it. They judge and don’t understand, cmon. Those poems you’ve been trying to write, those animations and cool things that you do. Dont call them dumb, stupid, oh this is trash within the art itself. You may personally think that but keep it outside of the art. i have to go.
move proper
Every time i pass the kaiser strike i honk in support.
Keep your mind right so you keep it up. Reflect on your work. Feel free to admire it. Make that love you feel as relevant as possible. Sadness is for drunkards so make it joy. Kids4Codeine is a happy place. Feel free to admire it. Like when the girl you love shows you her honey breasts. Immortalize her sweet cake, make it a picnic. (“I owe you, it’s only us. Came from the bottom, it’s only up. Nobody gon’ help, it’s gon’ be tough. They gon’ say they did ’til you call they bluff.”) Sometimes clarity is not my goal. Check up on your friends before they overdose. That canes sauce is just ketchup, mayonnaise and savory spices. So it isnt magic? The world you hate is all mental. You’ll start seeing more once you switch those scratched lenses for better contacts. Looking at the world like that, better go blind then. Why is that? Do you pull strings or pluck them? I don’t know, i like spontaneous -combustion. Who said they love isnt for sale? We give out numbers like “Call me to make your purchase”. Crooked teeth making me look like a monster, this aint it BUT STAY FOCUSED! My personality feels refurbished. A nitwit, so what ? That means i shouldn’t waste time looking for a solution, kick my kidneys until everything is alright? That fix cant fix your problems! WENT FROM NO MOTION TO SLOW MOTION. Stop talking about “quitting now”, right when you got some motion?
Fw them ratchet people; It wont matter what cologne you got on, when they leave you stank.
we’re on a mission
support a cause sign a petition
looking good
click on my website; my data is streaming.
Its all in good faith. My purest intentions with this K$C
Everything i write, is in good faith. much much much! love!
I just would like to continue to be able express myself the best i can. I feel like i still have a lot of work to do. Im a student, im also a teacher.
im afraid that my “kids4codeine” title might give a rigid feel to my work. I hope it becomes mundane. Like how movies dont transfer to real life but are the most beautiful aesthetically. The aesthetics, messages, gifts given to you by movies are the easiest to understand. In videogame terms its like a rail shooter or a side scroller, actually its complicated. Books are the most emotional, it takes days to make you cry. Movies do it in minutes. My title is like a movie. I hope it becomes mundane. I dont wanna change it.
so here we go walking down the street
see baby you’re getting confused. im your new guy. Remember. No, no baby the 5pm on Thursday’s guy. Yeahh he-, thats funny, but no yeah the 5pms on thursdays guy. No ofc not, my ex is dead to me. She does come alive every night, her tomb’s been tampered with. Noooo, shes not dead or zombie lol. Shes actually alive, shes actually real. Did i mention shes beautiful, i forgot to mention she was beautiful. Actually yes, she does have kids! like 2+, different father of course… and mother. Yeah Uhh, yeah you could say that. Well, im all yours. Im the little boy you can trust, where are we going? I wanna go bowling.
Do i only wanna screw her and leave her alone?
At 47 i still wanna love life. We’re on a train like final destination to our death. Ofc i wanna screw her but i don’t wanna leave her alone. If you feel like you dont need her gently leave her alone.
I think “i dont deserve this life”. Its not about deserving its literal chance. This skin, this outer shell. These! These cells that are hell bent on keeping me alive! Have no clue what they’re keeping alive. Its that inner, that’s the life. Thats your queue! Live it up! At the end of this train you wont be able to live it down! hahaha.
i always thought looks should be the least interesting part
It only lasts 15 years tops. By 30 the replacements make their way over you. Ive heard there’s also a loyalty meter. Like you’re more likely to choose a partner you believe will be more loyal. I mean that’s crazy. It HAS to do with looks but its not about if they are hot or not.
Theres like an infinite amount of people. I mean there they go walking down the street.
I guess that’s just the way its got to be. Miren sin compromiso. In a way its so pure. Im serious. The way, the attraction, the wonder. Its pure. This girls hotter, this ones funnier, this ones sweeter. But you love who you love, its pure. It gets muddy but that’s just because you haven’t gone beneath the surface. Those are the deep thoughts you refuse to unravel. After that it becomes clear. Like bro so what? Something happened and nobody has explanations? So you bagged that 10 youre still thinking about that 6. You’re the loser, you didn’t win. This is corny to a lot of you. I’m still gonna export it. Theres a mf out there feeling terrible sitting on his ass, he needs me. This is the way i have to be.
re-structering
Youve been talking to you know who for how long? You just dont see us getting back together. I just dont see you. I just dont understand you. I feel betrayed about nothing. Tu ya no estas. I fell in love. Whos fault is that? Nobody’s . It just sucks lifes unstable; that doesn’t mean you dont know who you are. Very casual very unstable.. We can find proof to prove anything. Feel like we’ve been through it all but “Do it for me” i wouldve loved that from you. Its when we talk. I feel like your being unfair to me. As if im the worst. I listen. I couldnt help you with your emotional you said i never learned how to. To be honest you never allowed yourself to teach me. You know what kind of guy i am. I know it was both parties but i cant explain why. You seem emboldened by something, maybe with time youll miss me. Out of all of the things you said i did wrong, this was never a complaint, i would’ve wanted something like this, a website where you showcase your psyche, it would’ve made me feel amazing. Proud! I would’ve liked to know everything about you. Its unfortunate, i feel pathetic there’s nothing i can do.Take a nap, dream? Talk to who? Talk to you. Ive genuinely learned to accept your flaws and not just recently. I cant tell you why recently i was bothered. Theres nothing for me to blame. It couldve been the food. My job.- I would blame you for all my problems. For a long time i cherished your quirks. The script was flipped. The quirks became faults; i made you feel like it was just you and that’s wrong. I made everyone around me feel like that, i blamed you :( bc you dont make art. Stupid. Sometimes i poke fun at you but its all in good faith. Please dont get it confused. We always kept it real. Like serious things that we didn’t like we would express. It was the small things. We were so distant at times that it felt like we didnt know each other.Your hearts heavy but mine weighs a ton. ” i gave those friends up for you, i gave everything i had.” Thats throwing it in your face! Like if that wasnt my decision and you lost things of your own aswell. Show me a steep price we didnt both pay. Show me something’ that if we could’ve we wouldn’t of done for each other? I was unhappy and i didnt speak on it. Making all those sweet moments feel like fraud when they weren’t. Just because i felt like a fraud. I had lost it all including u, you were the only thing i had and you knew that. You stayed by my side. Very sweet of you i must add. This is gonna sound crazy but its true love. When i talk down not even trying to knock you im just heartbroke. You are a woman of your word, tho you keep some in private. Im a man of my word too i need to apologize. Im sorry. I also need to acknowledge. I used to dream about all the women i could’ve been with and how i had a fear that my girl was fictitious. I love you to death the temptations fooled me. Lied to me. “I cant bear the disrespect” but you can? I need to acknowledge the hypocrisy of my actions. It goes both ways does it not. I would love to keep you around. I really respect you. I need to apologize for my tunnel vision, sometimes i was unbearable. I had a blind spot. If it wasnt about my projects it was really hard for me to care and you felt that. & it hurt you. “But if we’re talking about emotional matters; ive always been there. Think about your hardest moments, i was always one call away, you know that.” But really i wasn’t there for you. I know better now. How can i be with you if im hurting you. Thats the real reason im spending time alone. Theres a lesson to be learned. I dont want to argue, i just want to live it up, have a good time give you your gift and hopefully its not a goodbye but a see you later. Maybe when you see me, youll see us back together. “Talk all you want, do all you want it wont help” My love is endless, this sadness is not me. It blinds me. Confuses me. I really had nothing to lose other than you. “i feel like your being unfair to me.” Youre just being to me how i was to you. As you know ” Mañana Es Mejor” & there are tomorrows where me and you get to talk about fine affairs.I thank you deeply for that. -Armando
v.2.03
My favorite time ever. Was summer 2024. Ill never forget those sunsets or that park on the hill. Going to you old house was aesthetic af. Maybe when you settle down again youll think about me. Things are moving to fast theres no time for me. You know how you can like things on like social media, how can i heartbreak your posts. Im happy u follow me.
your reminder that there has to be “something” under the hood, is it consistent?
your dna is inward facing outward. facing outward to the world are you getting anywhere?
take your sentiment and push it as far as it can go,
if it’s a thing it’s a thing.
, if it’s a brand it’s a brand.
if it’s nothing it’s nothing
imagine you have heart cancer or any type of cancer. That feeling in your chest. That fan shit, that people pleasure shit. That goes away. Imagine you have a big hole in your neck because you were a smoker and now your life is reduced to standing and breathing nothing else. Just imagine it.
Have someone to talk about abstract things with. 9/10 times that is all that’s missing from your life. You find “that” person and you’re off to the races.
I might be speaking from personal desire, but this is my website is it not?